Author: Suzanne Katanic
Estimated read time: 5–7 minutes
In the Narcissist’s Shadow
In Greek myth, Narcissus was so captivated by his own reflection in the water that he wasted away gazing at it, unable to look up and love another. He saw only an image, an illusion of perfection, and died clinging to it. Today, the figure of the Narcissist lives on as an archetype — not just in certain people but as an energy in the collective psyche that we can all touch when we lose ourselves to the image and forget the depth behind it.
The Narcissist has a remarkable way of making themselves appear all light, projecting an image of what they imagine wholeness should look like. This image is not authentic selfhood but a carefully constructed persona. If you look and feel closely enough, you may sense there is nothing real behind the image. Yet it is hard to see this emptiness directly because the Narcissist silently casts their shadow onto The Other, any person in their field of awareness.
This aligns with Marion Woodman’s (1982) insight that, “We cannot fight the shadow; we can only acknowledge it and accept it as part of ourselves” (p. 90). To break free from this dynamic, we must see how the projection works.
The Shadow
These projections often show up in The Other as feelings of being “less than,” inadequate, or flawed in the presence of the Narcissist. You may feel unequal or inexplicably inferior. This is often the Narcissist’s disowned emptiness, doubt, and inadequacy being projected onto you. Because they cannot tolerate these human feelings within themselves, others must feel them for them.
Meanwhile, the parts they do own and display are the grandiose ones: indestructibility, omnipotence, guru-like wisdom. The Narcissist often appears charismatic, larger than life, and may seem loving, spiritual, or even transcendent, especially during the idealization or “love-bombing” phase. You may feel intoxicated, as if they hold the holy grail to your human suffering.
To test this dynamic, compare how you feel around the Narcissist to how you feel around people who can own their humanness. Those who accept their flaws do not cast this shadow onto The Other.
The Energy Drain
What makes this dynamic so dangerous is that the Narcissist must siphon energy from others to sustain their indestructible image. Their messages and behaviors are designed to pierce your protective layers and draw your admiration and energy toward them. On a practical level, this might look like always attending their events, listening endlessly, never disagreeing, or becoming an extension of them just to keep the connection.
In families, this can be especially complex. Attempts to assert your individuality may be met with disinterest, rage, gaslighting, or sophisticated defenses designed to reassert the Narcissist’s self-image. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (1992) writes, “To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves” (p. 186). This is the crux: the subtle exile from self that occurs when we lose our center to another’s projected needs.
True Self-Esteem vs. the Narcissist
True self-esteem includes an honest relationship with one’s flaws, doubts, and vulnerabilities. It does not require diminishing others. True power lifts everyone. In contrast, the Narcissist’s false self is a fragile defense against their intolerable humanness and cannot allow others to challenge it.
Ask yourself: How do you feel in the presence of someone with healthy self-esteem versus someone with the rigid, fragile defense of a Narcissist?
Recovery
Healing starts with befriending the very feelings the Narcissist disowns: envy, self-doubt, insecurity. These feelings may seem to be “yours” when you are around the Narcissist, but often they are projections. Jungian psychology reminds us that projection is universal. What we reject in ourselves, we inevitably see in The Other. Woodman (1985) notes that, “The tension between opposites is held by the feminine. When we split, the energy that could have become transformation is lost” (p. 67). Recovery is about calling back that lost energy.
In archetypal work, we reclaim our own shadow qualities. This means recognizing that what we envy in another or feel depleted by is often a reflection of what we have disowned in ourselves. We must bring our shadow into the light so it cannot be stolen or manipulated by an archetypal pattern.
Cutting Off Narcissistic Supply
Much has been written about cutting off “supply.” This means halting the siphoning of your life force by redirecting your energy back to your own life. Own your shadow self, both the humanness and the innate worth within it. As Rowland (2002) reminds us, “The feminist critique does not reject Jung’s theory of archetypes but asks for a deeper understanding of how these archetypal patterns live and shift in cultural power dynamics” (p. 47). This relational dance is not just personal — it lives in the larger collective too.
For the empath, the work is owning your value and goodness. For the Narcissist (should they ever choose to do the work), the task is to let life in through their flaws and to feel the emptiness they have long denied.
A Final Thought
Jung’s archetypal model reminds us that the Narcissist and The Other are not just people. They are living symbols in the collective unconscious. Narcissus wasted away staring at a reflection. His tragedy reminds us that we do the same when we stay fixated on the image of perfection, whether in ourselves or in another. True healing is not about endlessly analyzing the Narcissist. It happens in us.
To heal is to reclaim what we once projected or gave away. It is to own our difficult feelings, yes, but equally, it is to own our talents, our goodness, and the part of us that shines. When we bring our full selves back into the light, flawed, radiant, and fully human, we lift our gaze from the illusion and step out from under the shadow completely.
True power welcomes imperfection, nurtures connection, and never requires The Other to feel “less than” in order for it to shine.
References
Estés, C. P. (1992). Women who run with the wolves: Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype. Ballantine Books.
Rowland, S. (2002). Jung: A feminist revision. Polity Press.
Woodman, M. (1982). Addiction to perfection: The still unravished bride. Inner City Books.
Woodman, M. (1985). The pregnant virgin: A process of psychological transformation. Inner City Books.
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#ProjectionAndShadow #ReclaimYourPower #EmpathHealing #BoundariesAndSelfWorth #OwnYourLight