Author: Suzanne Katanic
Estimated read time: 5 minutes
From False Surrender to Authentic Power
What if learned helplessness isn’t just about being stuck, but about a hidden, painful choice made in the name of survival? Imagine the quiet inner surrender that emerges not from incapacity but from a deep, unconscious strategy to keep love and connection alive. This article explores how, through a Jungian lens, learned helplessness can be understood as the false self’s way of preserving attachment, even at the cost of one’s own voice and agency. And how, from this recognition, we can begin the sacred journey of reclaiming the authentic self beneath the mask.
Releasing the False Self to Restore the Whole Self
Traditionally, learned helplessness is viewed as a psychic condition illustrated by psychological experiments, most notably the one conducted by Seligman and Maier in 1967. In this now-infamous study, dogs subjected to unavoidable shocks eventually ceased trying to escape, even when the path to freedom was later made clear (Seligman & Maier, 1967). This grim finding revealed how chronic, uncontrollable stress can collapse the will to act.
Yet beyond its cruelty, the experiment overlooks the relational terrain in which helplessness often takes root. It fails to ask what deeper internal calculation a living being does when deciding to surrender. What is preserved in that surrender?
Learned helplessness is not always a sign of inability. Instead, it may be a childhood psychic strategy, an adaptation crafted to maintain attachment in an environment where genuine authenticity might threaten connection. From a Jungian perspective, this is the birth of a false self, a persona constructed to secure belonging while sacrificing agency and voice.
In many family systems, particularly those burdened by intergenerational trauma, neglect, or emotional immaturity, children often internalize the belief that if the adults could not shoulder essential responsibilities like care, protection, or planning, then those tasks must be impossible to achieve. This belief hardens into a core complex: If my caretakers couldn’t or wouldn’t do it, then surely, I cannot. Such internal stories become fertile ground for learned helplessness.
While this adaptation can preserve loyalty or family harmony, it does so by shrinking the individual’s sense of power, voice, and autonomy.
Seen through the Jungian lens, this dynamic involves the unintegrated shadow, the parts of the psyche disowned and often projected onto others. Caregivers who avoided responsibility, numbed themselves through distractions or addiction, or controlled through passivity were not necessarily helpless, but unwilling or unable to face their own inner work and transformation.
Yet their limitations do not have to script the legacy of the next generation.
As the adapted self begins to dissolve, a deeper truth emerges. Reclaiming agency does not require severing connection, but rather a rebalancing of relational patterns. Differentiating within relationship, asserting one’s true self while maintaining connection, is a cornerstone of psychological maturity.
Marion Woodman beautifully captured this struggle: “The struggle to be real… to shed the masks of the false self, is a sacred journey” (Woodman, 1982, p. 6). This journey often begins in the ruins of adaptation, where the authentic self has been buried beneath performance, silence, and inherited shame. The true self waits beneath, whole, waiting to be rediscovered and reclaimed.
Polly Young-Eisendrath echoes this transformation: “Individuation does not mean separation from others. It means becoming differentiated within relationship.” Reclaiming agency, then, is not a rejection of others but a return to oneself within the context of one’s relational life.
Signs of Reclaiming Agency:
No longer pretending to be less capable or less intelligent than one is
Refusing to seek help as a way of staying small
Speaking truth even when it risks disconnection
Releasing the need to be “less than” to feel safe
These shifts mark the movement toward individuation—the lifelong process of integrating the conscious and unconscious self, withdrawing projections, and embodying one’s inherent authority.
The Invitation
The rejection that once felt unbearable often fades in comparison to the pain of continued self-abandonment. To reclaim agency is to stop performing for love and instead cultivate the capacity to belong to oneself.
This is not a departure from relationship. It is the necessary ground from which real relationship can grow.
References
Seligman, M. E., & Maier, S. F. (1967). Failure to escape traumatic shock. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 74(1), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0024514
Woodman, M. (1982). Addiction to perfection: The still unravished bride. Toronto, ON: Inner City Books.
Young-Eisendrath, P. (1997). Women and desire: Beyond wanting to be wanted. Boston: Little, Brown and Company.
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Suzanne Katanic, LMFT, is a licensed therapist with over 15 years of experience helping people heal old wounds and reconnect with their true selves. She blends integral psychotherapy with Depth Hypnosis, a body-centered practice that includes guided imagery, inner child work, and energy healing. Through her writing, she invites readers to explore the hidden depths within, awakening insight, transformation, and the quiet power of the inner self.